well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
