If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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