I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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