but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
