fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
