Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
