You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
