highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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