You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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