i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
