He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
