I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
