I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
