Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
