He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
