Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
