need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
