my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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