i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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