i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
