he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Oh god it's open bar.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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