Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
