I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
