I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
