He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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