Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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