you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
