Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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