You made me cry and you don't even care
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
