Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
