Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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