He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I enjoy the company of your penis
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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