Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
