this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Houston, we have a blender
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
