Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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