He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
