Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I've blown a few things in my day
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
