You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
