I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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