my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
