I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
