the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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