is your mom at the bar?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
