his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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