I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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