and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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