Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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