sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
