After last night, I could never be a politician.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
pray to the hookup gods
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
