Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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