my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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