I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
