My first STD was from a foam party
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
