my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
