He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
