Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So much Jack, so little girl.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
